9 CHALLENGES FOR NEWLYWEDS (III). If you aspire to a good love

11/11/2017 | By Arguments

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Premarital course

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Mikel Gotzon Santamaría








family traditions

You have already married, you have taken a risk. It is clear to you your wedding closet, y God's role in your relationship. But you want to know more: how to love more and betterhow to make "the best is yet to come" a reality in your life. Three challenges to be taken into account if you aspire to the honor roll:

1. "Neither for you, nor for me".

"Consensus"was one of the key words in our premarital course. When we got married we joined our livesand this should be noticeable in our day-to-day life. From the smallest decisions (what type of tableware we choose), to the most complicated ones (a change of city, a change of job, where the children go to school, a major difficulty...), to who we have dinner with this Christmas Eve, what we do on the weekend or if we can afford a new table. These decisions belong to both. It's not about giving in, it's about consensus. Learning to conjugate the we. Not for you, not for me: for us.. The "looking together in the same direction" that says Saint-Exupéryto look out for the common good. It also helps to conjugate the we to go forming the own family routines and traditions. Each one of us arrives at marriage with our "in my house has always been done this way", and it is great that we learn to take the best of each family, but without losing sight that your house is now another one, and that it is exciting to form your own style, with your ways of doing things, your customs, etc.

We have time

Being married does not mean being together 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Nor does it mean having a roommate that I see for breakfast and dinner, while the rest of the day we lead parallel lives. You have to learning to allocate timeIf you are more of a "laapa-type" you will have to gain a healthy independence and know how to have a space for each other where you can have a drink with friends, practice a sport, play the viola... all those things that enrich each of you personally and, therefore, enrich your marriage. On the contrary, if you are more "I want to be single but with you" (i.e.: I want to have a healthy diet eating in a fast-food every day) you will have to deepen your understanding of what it means to give yourself in marriage, to look at the other, to build together.... It is not to account to the other for everything you do, but simply to take them into account.. As the Pope says in proposing the three essential words in a relationship: "Permission. Thank you. Excuse me.":

"The first word is "permit". When we take care to ask gently even for what we might think we can ask for, we put a real protection to the spirit of marital and family life together. Entering into the life of the other, even when he or she is part of our own life, requires the delicacy of a non-invasive attitude that renews trust and respect. Trust, in short, does not authorize us to take everything for granted. And love, when it is more intimate and profound, demands all the more respect for freedom and the ability to wait for the other to open the door of his or her heart."

We have time. And in that time we do have, part of the marital routines it pays to create are moments to be able to talk calmly. Those conversations of going to the bottom; not those of "giving the report", but those of opening the soul. Essential for be experts on each otherI think it is advisable to get into this good habit as soon as possible to be able to maintain it in times when it is more difficult to find a calm moment to talk (small children, peak of tiredness at work, etc...).

3. "Knowing how to love with the body".

In addition to being the title of a very good book by Mikel Gotzon Santamaría I think it sums up this idea very well: we must learn to love, on all levels, in all senses, and that is why we must learn to love, on all levels, in all senses. learning to love also with the body. No one is born knowing. In the premarital course we were recommended the book ".An unforgettable moment"which addresses the sexuality as more than just sexThe importance of getting to know each other thoroughly, being experts on each other, talking about any subject, encompasses the sexuality of marriage, of course. The importance of getting to know each other thoroughly, of being experts on each other, of talking about any subject, includes married sexuality, of course. Lucía Martínez Alcalde Part one: 9 challenges for newlyweds (I). The wedding closet Second part: 9 challenges for newlyweds (II). When marriage is a matter of three

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