I ain’t your mama

“I ain’t your mama¨ is the reproach of the insistent rhythmic refrain by Jennifer Lopez, giving voice to many women today.

Although insistent reproaches is not the best way to communicate as a couple, because it usually leads to blockage and rejection, this message in the background today could be attributed not only to women, but also to men, and is not meaningless in some relationships in which only one loves and the other receives, assuming that what is received is due. In short, the weight of building the home is shouldered primarily by one while the other is a satellite which is not involved from the center but slightly from the stratosphere being too busy in other things.

“I feel cheated”, is a frequent comment among many a woman, because independently of the man’s attempts in general, the expectations upon her as woman, mother and worker can lead to physical exhaustion if the priorities and obligations are not well balanced from the center of the family. It is not enough to work and place oneself as a spectator and helper when one has some spare time.

For this a personal self-demand is necessary, which means adapting the personal references and at the same time assimilating the maternal reference to integrate it into family life, contributing with one’s talents, regardless of what their father or mother did.

For today’s man, by not internally assimilating that reality requires an adaptation of his expectations of women and not realizing that he needs to get involved from the center, the consequence is to stay anchored in a utopian world that does not exist. He can find himself in permanent frustration, which materializes in a contemptuous and disappointed view of his wife.

Women, on the other hand, can jeopardize their marriage and family life if they constantly try to impose themselves and change the man in a radical and aggressive way. Perhaps this is due to a need of survival in the middle of physical exhaustion caused by the demands of motherhood, work and the surroundings.

Although sometimes everything seems to be chiaroscuro, changing the gauging for a good dance while looking at the other well or alternating the steps to the rhythm of the particular song being played, are the little tricks to use so that the rope does not break from so much pulling.

In this great dance, what starts as losing the pace, stepping on the other´s toes, stumbling, or even pushing and falling, is only a natural learning process. The synchronization and standing in for the other´s weaknesses is necessary, though it demands strength and one has to practice little by time. Sometimes the dance is acrobatic, even risky and more so if one of the partners is limp or just slips away. Nonetheless, that is when it is “graceful”, in the full meaning of the word, as we have to try something more beautiful, or funnier, which starts with a clumsy jig and ends up as a great supernatural waltz which makes history.

There can our hope and trust be found, in the One who invented the dance at danced it first.

 

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